Running head smack into popular thinking, I'm going to make the bold statement that "it's not all about me." Nope, not even when making my "personal" Crossfit goals for this coming year. No man is an island, and that is part of why we train as a team. For me, yes my personal health, strength and elusive aesthetics are part of the equation, but alone these are just vanity. Crossfit is functional fitness to help us live, breathe, and move better, but we do that in the context of the world in which we live. We are fit for ourselves so that we can live fully with our families, friends, colleagues and yes the strangers we pass on the street. So, yes I have my personal metrics for this year, but I also have some broader, more community focused goals.
Community
Get one more soul on the planet doing CF
Get one more soul on the planet eating a better diet
Make a video about how to make those tape grips that save your hands.
Make sure I meet at least 2 new people at every CFOT event I attend
Strength
Push press >=100 lbs
Strict press >=85
Push jerk >=90 lbs
Snatch >= 85 lbs
Clean >=100 lbs
Front Squat >= 100 lbs
Back Squat >= 150 lbs
Deadlift >=250 lbs
and of course the elusive unassisted pullup
Metcon/Cardio
500m row <= 2:00
800m run <= 4:15
1600m run <= 9:00
100 Ab Mat <= 2:oo
Form/Function - less quantifiable but still very important
Better squat
Better elbow whip on cleans
Full pushups - always
Conscious effort to stretch/cool down before leaving the gym
Aesthetics
Real simple - 149 lbs - take no prisoners!
Diet
Try 3 new foods (this will be hard... are there 3 left that I haven't tried)
Caffeine reduction....
Consistent on my supplements.
Okay, that's it... about to push the button to put myself on the hook... keep me in check. Lead, follow, or get out of the way!
Monday, September 14, 2009
WOD 090911
Day of Infamy... best handled by a WOD of infamy... FGB
I did the pack version of our FGB prep or 3 rounds 30, 20, 10.
I really struggled with the 53lb KBHP - to the point where Jerry had to give me form correction. This didn't make me happy since KB's are usually where I can keep it together. But since I've only once before used more than a 35, I can be happy that I got through this. Need to sink that butt more and press through the heels.
Of course I had a box jump miss too. Doing these right after the KBHP is a real quad burner.
I really tried HARD to go with good form on the push presses and it seemed to pay off with getting my head through to active shoulder. Thinking traps is really helping this without me goose neckin' it and ending up all kinds of sore.
So about those goals... hang for the next post please.
I did the pack version of our FGB prep or 3 rounds 30, 20, 10.
I really struggled with the 53lb KBHP - to the point where Jerry had to give me form correction. This didn't make me happy since KB's are usually where I can keep it together. But since I've only once before used more than a 35, I can be happy that I got through this. Need to sink that butt more and press through the heels.
Of course I had a box jump miss too. Doing these right after the KBHP is a real quad burner.
I really tried HARD to go with good form on the push presses and it seemed to pay off with getting my head through to active shoulder. Thinking traps is really helping this without me goose neckin' it and ending up all kinds of sore.
So about those goals... hang for the next post please.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
WOD 090910
Hang Power Cleans... 1,1,1,1,1, ad infinitum or rather, ad maximum.
77... nice number, but not where I want to be with cleans. I have done a HPC at 90 before, but 'twas not to be today.
Good day in the box though, really identifying the form faults. Not sure yet how to get to the fixes, but definitely caught it on video. I am bending my arms at the start of the pull from the hang and my dip needs way less knee and more butt back. Also got to chat about how I can clean more from the floor with my form faults because of the momentum created over the distance.
I finished this by working with a 45 lb bar trying to get this together. I can see if I get to work this some more here soon that I'm going to try to come up with my own coaching script.
From the last time we did cleans or pulls from the floor
"Shoulders forward of the bar"
"Get your knees and butt back and out of the way as you pull"
From the hang
"Butt back, arms straight, shoulders high"
perhaps I also need to add a focus about my shoulders vis a vis the bar.
"Jump to land, open fingers."
Jerry might kill me for this because it sort of flies in the face of the "bar stays close to the body", but I sort of envision a narrow vertical ellipse happening when you view a clean from the profile. Obviously, the better the athlete, the narrower the ellipse.
I think too that I might have better form from the floor because you can get yourself over the bar at the start of the pull. And it is a lot easier to think butt back when you are using it more (from the floor vice the hang)
Lots of good stuff to work into some goal setting for the year.... which should be my next post.
77... nice number, but not where I want to be with cleans. I have done a HPC at 90 before, but 'twas not to be today.
Good day in the box though, really identifying the form faults. Not sure yet how to get to the fixes, but definitely caught it on video. I am bending my arms at the start of the pull from the hang and my dip needs way less knee and more butt back. Also got to chat about how I can clean more from the floor with my form faults because of the momentum created over the distance.
I finished this by working with a 45 lb bar trying to get this together. I can see if I get to work this some more here soon that I'm going to try to come up with my own coaching script.
From the last time we did cleans or pulls from the floor
"Shoulders forward of the bar"
"Get your knees and butt back and out of the way as you pull"
From the hang
"Butt back, arms straight, shoulders high"
perhaps I also need to add a focus about my shoulders vis a vis the bar.
"Jump to land, open fingers."
Jerry might kill me for this because it sort of flies in the face of the "bar stays close to the body", but I sort of envision a narrow vertical ellipse happening when you view a clean from the profile. Obviously, the better the athlete, the narrower the ellipse.
I think too that I might have better form from the floor because you can get yourself over the bar at the start of the pull. And it is a lot easier to think butt back when you are using it more (from the floor vice the hang)
Lots of good stuff to work into some goal setting for the year.... which should be my next post.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
WOD 090909
Still working through the new school schedule, so I was glad to take a rest day from CF. Hit the elliptical for about 37 minutes, just to do a little something.
WOD 090908
Great first WOD of my second year.
Push Press 3,3,3, 1,1,1 Extra FBG intervals - row, box jump, kb high pull (3)rounds.
Good workups to new single max PR at 90lbs. 55, 65, 70 for 3 75, 80, 85, 87, 88, 90 for singles. Some form troubles... losing my vertical torso on the dip. Worked really hard to engage my traps to get that active shoulder.
The extra felt slow and inflexible... still feeling Karen in my quads.
Push Press 3,3,3, 1,1,1 Extra FBG intervals - row, box jump, kb high pull (3)rounds.
Good workups to new single max PR at 90lbs. 55, 65, 70 for 3 75, 80, 85, 87, 88, 90 for singles. Some form troubles... losing my vertical torso on the dip. Worked really hard to engage my traps to get that active shoulder.
The extra felt slow and inflexible... still feeling Karen in my quads.
One year later...
Still addicted and still sore!
Saturday 5 September was my 1 year anniversary with Crossfit. Obviously it was a huge occasion... Jerry even closed the gym for the day!
Seriously though, it is a milestone that I don't want to pass by without some comment and maybe a few pictures. But as luck would have it, one of the top 10 reasons I joined CF in the first place was to manage the stress in my busy life. And with school starting yesterday, the chaos and uncertainity that peak the old anxiety meter are at a fever pitch. So look for this post to get updated with some transformation statistics after I sign all these forms!
So pictures... hmm... I'm not hiding them... I just can't get them to upload.... Soni, Katie, what's the deal?
Anyway, in the last year I've lost 16lbs. That of course is the number everyone wants to hear. I started CF at 178 and topped out at a high of 181 shortly after I started. As we all know, the muscle comes BEFORE the fat loss -a fact that I still don't like, but live with. Most of the weight loss though came AFTER I got serious about what I was eating... i.e., eating like an athlete instead of the stressed out zombie I was when I started.
Also on the aesthetics side, I'm down 3.5" off my waist and some off my butt. I still stuggle with what is called "core obesity", partly because of age, and partly because of stress and the insulin response. (and oh the comfort food response too!) So getting all the biological inputs to line up is important to improving this part of the package.... as well as my overall health. To keep my stress down, I need sleep, about 30 mins of silence somewhere in my day and lots of paper lists organizing the kid chaos. Improving all these in the next year, is one of my goals.
And the health numbers are the numbers I am most excited about. Before I started CF, my cholesterol was at 225 and the ratio was not great either. It was February when I last had it checked, but it was down to 200, with my ratio around 3.1. So much better. Also on the health front, I've had the ticker checked out a couple of times because I've had chest pains in the last couple years, which of course is the quickest way to get to the head of any line in the medical community. I was born with a RIGHT instead of left aortic arch, so it gets everyone excited when anything seems amiss behind my rib cage. But when you show up with your resting heart rate between 47 and 52, and what is considered a "normal" murmer, everyone smiles and says... what do you do to workout? Oh, and the pain? It is supposedly chrondritis... a forerunner of arthritis messing around with my sternum.
On the strength side, in the last year I've gone from having trouble picking up a barbell to having a brief stint on the leaderboard with one of the best deadlifts in the gym. It's slow progress, but I've gone from one of those green bands to do pullups to a skinny floss. I am getting close to cleaning and push pressing 100lbs. I can hang with the pack when I row (surprise, it is deadlifting in a different plane) and most days, get up on that 20" box a bunch of times without taking out a C2 rower. I still have lots of movement issues - knees when I squat, torso tipping forward, etc. but most days I have better range of motion than when I started.
From a strength and aesthetics point of view I've gained the most in my area of weakness... upper body. Not only do I stand straighter, but there is some definition to my traps and shoulders, and just a wee bit of cut to the old arms. In the clothing department, I'm in a struggle. I've gone from being a 10-12 to being an 8-10, the former being where most medium clothes are sized, while most "small" clothes are 6-8. So I'm kinda stuck trying to find things that are fitting well. Hopefully this will improve as I shed some more lbs.
As for the diet that supports all this... I'm currently somewhere between zone, paleo, and primal, with a heavy dose of Eat Right for Your Type. I am O+ which pretty much sets you down a road of limited grain and dairy, but I don't know if I will ever be totally grain and dairy free. The diet effort though has been doing as much work on my brain as it has on my body. I snuck a small piece of raisin toast this morning with a little almond butter and apricot preserves and I thought I would gag it was soooo sweet. Can't say it's as dramatic in my taste for fat and salt just yet, but I really can't eat coldcuts, cheese sticks, overly seasoned nuts and the like.
I am taking some supplements - an Omega complex, vitamin E, B6 and B12. This is more from a perimenopausal management perspective rather than as part of a training diet. Each of these has been helpful in stabilizing the hormones that start to fritz in your forties, regardless of how much you sleep or how many stressors you have in your life.
So is it working? ... sure when I stick with it. And in that respect, the school year is easier than the summer. Dieting is structure and rhythm. The summer is not, and I feel like I was living in a house of little satans tempting me with that incredible teenage ability to eat like (insert fave 4 letter word) and just keep on trucking. That said, they may buck me and try to wear me down with their complaints... but I AM winning. Swiss chard, kale, and salad grace the table alot around here; and they are learning that complaining and ruining mom's dining experience just earns you the privilege of preparing AND eating the vegetables next time.
The other big switch... when I stick with it... is the alcohol intake. When I'm serious about counting it with my blocks, I drink less and lose more. Another fact, like veggies are your friend, that we all just need to embrace instead of the glass, stein, etc.
So, next post... maybe some pics... and some concrete numeric strength and aesthetic goals for the next year.
Saturday 5 September was my 1 year anniversary with Crossfit. Obviously it was a huge occasion... Jerry even closed the gym for the day!
Seriously though, it is a milestone that I don't want to pass by without some comment and maybe a few pictures. But as luck would have it, one of the top 10 reasons I joined CF in the first place was to manage the stress in my busy life. And with school starting yesterday, the chaos and uncertainity that peak the old anxiety meter are at a fever pitch. So look for this post to get updated with some transformation statistics after I sign all these forms!
So pictures... hmm... I'm not hiding them... I just can't get them to upload.... Soni, Katie, what's the deal?
Anyway, in the last year I've lost 16lbs. That of course is the number everyone wants to hear. I started CF at 178 and topped out at a high of 181 shortly after I started. As we all know, the muscle comes BEFORE the fat loss -a fact that I still don't like, but live with. Most of the weight loss though came AFTER I got serious about what I was eating... i.e., eating like an athlete instead of the stressed out zombie I was when I started.
Also on the aesthetics side, I'm down 3.5" off my waist and some off my butt. I still stuggle with what is called "core obesity", partly because of age, and partly because of stress and the insulin response. (and oh the comfort food response too!) So getting all the biological inputs to line up is important to improving this part of the package.... as well as my overall health. To keep my stress down, I need sleep, about 30 mins of silence somewhere in my day and lots of paper lists organizing the kid chaos. Improving all these in the next year, is one of my goals.
And the health numbers are the numbers I am most excited about. Before I started CF, my cholesterol was at 225 and the ratio was not great either. It was February when I last had it checked, but it was down to 200, with my ratio around 3.1. So much better. Also on the health front, I've had the ticker checked out a couple of times because I've had chest pains in the last couple years, which of course is the quickest way to get to the head of any line in the medical community. I was born with a RIGHT instead of left aortic arch, so it gets everyone excited when anything seems amiss behind my rib cage. But when you show up with your resting heart rate between 47 and 52, and what is considered a "normal" murmer, everyone smiles and says... what do you do to workout? Oh, and the pain? It is supposedly chrondritis... a forerunner of arthritis messing around with my sternum.
On the strength side, in the last year I've gone from having trouble picking up a barbell to having a brief stint on the leaderboard with one of the best deadlifts in the gym. It's slow progress, but I've gone from one of those green bands to do pullups to a skinny floss. I am getting close to cleaning and push pressing 100lbs. I can hang with the pack when I row (surprise, it is deadlifting in a different plane) and most days, get up on that 20" box a bunch of times without taking out a C2 rower. I still have lots of movement issues - knees when I squat, torso tipping forward, etc. but most days I have better range of motion than when I started.
From a strength and aesthetics point of view I've gained the most in my area of weakness... upper body. Not only do I stand straighter, but there is some definition to my traps and shoulders, and just a wee bit of cut to the old arms. In the clothing department, I'm in a struggle. I've gone from being a 10-12 to being an 8-10, the former being where most medium clothes are sized, while most "small" clothes are 6-8. So I'm kinda stuck trying to find things that are fitting well. Hopefully this will improve as I shed some more lbs.
As for the diet that supports all this... I'm currently somewhere between zone, paleo, and primal, with a heavy dose of Eat Right for Your Type. I am O+ which pretty much sets you down a road of limited grain and dairy, but I don't know if I will ever be totally grain and dairy free. The diet effort though has been doing as much work on my brain as it has on my body. I snuck a small piece of raisin toast this morning with a little almond butter and apricot preserves and I thought I would gag it was soooo sweet. Can't say it's as dramatic in my taste for fat and salt just yet, but I really can't eat coldcuts, cheese sticks, overly seasoned nuts and the like.
I am taking some supplements - an Omega complex, vitamin E, B6 and B12. This is more from a perimenopausal management perspective rather than as part of a training diet. Each of these has been helpful in stabilizing the hormones that start to fritz in your forties, regardless of how much you sleep or how many stressors you have in your life.
So is it working? ... sure when I stick with it. And in that respect, the school year is easier than the summer. Dieting is structure and rhythm. The summer is not, and I feel like I was living in a house of little satans tempting me with that incredible teenage ability to eat like (insert fave 4 letter word) and just keep on trucking. That said, they may buck me and try to wear me down with their complaints... but I AM winning. Swiss chard, kale, and salad grace the table alot around here; and they are learning that complaining and ruining mom's dining experience just earns you the privilege of preparing AND eating the vegetables next time.
The other big switch... when I stick with it... is the alcohol intake. When I'm serious about counting it with my blocks, I drink less and lose more. Another fact, like veggies are your friend, that we all just need to embrace instead of the glass, stein, etc.
So, next post... maybe some pics... and some concrete numeric strength and aesthetic goals for the next year.
Monday, September 7, 2009
WOD 090904
First Friday
I was looking for an end to my no juice week.
After a whole week talking about therapies to help Christopher with numerous doctors, I was really in the "repetition is the mother of learning" mode. Just keep working it and things do get better. So I picked one of my weaknesses - Wallball - and worked it to death.
Karen - 150 wall ball shots for time - 14:57.
I don't think I hit the 10 ft target or sunk them as well as I could have, but they got done. And here on Monday, I am finally moving my quads again. I should have taken Soni's "you're gonna be wrecked for the weekend" words to heart.
But I got to work a FGB move, which is going to be my focus for the next few weeks.
Too much food and wine this weekend... ready to get back at it this week.
I was looking for an end to my no juice week.
After a whole week talking about therapies to help Christopher with numerous doctors, I was really in the "repetition is the mother of learning" mode. Just keep working it and things do get better. So I picked one of my weaknesses - Wallball - and worked it to death.
Karen - 150 wall ball shots for time - 14:57.
I don't think I hit the 10 ft target or sunk them as well as I could have, but they got done. And here on Monday, I am finally moving my quads again. I should have taken Soni's "you're gonna be wrecked for the weekend" words to heart.
But I got to work a FGB move, which is going to be my focus for the next few weeks.
Too much food and wine this weekend... ready to get back at it this week.
Woman, Behold Thy Son
Mulier, ecce filius tuus.
Woman, behold thy son.
Those are Jesus' words to His mother Mary as he hung in his last hours on the Cross. The Catholic teaching on this poignant moment in Scripture recorded by "thy son", St. John, (John 19:26), is that Jesus' use of "woman" and "son", instead of their names, was to underscore the point that Mary is to be a mother to all whom Jesus loved and called his disciples. In this singular moment, Christ gave all his beloved to his Mother for her care and protection. It is here that Catholics find their devotion (note I do NOT say worship) to she who is "full of grace", and they often plead for her intercession to her Son for a modicum of that same grace.
It has never been lost on me that all of this takes place at the foot of the Cross. Nor has it escaped me that only the disciple closest to Jesus and his graced mother were there to bear the horror of the Crucifixion. Only they were there amid the pain to witness the greatest event in all of human history. The lesson is quite simple: Jesus wrought the supreme act of salvation through the pain of death offered to His Father for the sin of all mankind. Suffering is not for naught. And for those who are closest to Him, who participate in His suffering by offering their own suffering as a gift, there is a unique gift of grace. It is here one finds another Catholic tradition: the "offering it up" of little sacrifices.
It is amazing to me that Mary, by grace was able to stand and watch all the Passion unfold and not rush in and try to stop it all from happening. Every mother hopes to have the strength to raise her children to succeed at the tasks willed to them by God. Yet, figuring out when to act and when remain still is the challenge. Turning to Mary's example from that first "yes" at the Annunciation to her tears at the Crucifixion, can be the constant reminder of what we can accomplish with His grace, if we just cooperate with it. If we look for what is God's will and ask for the grace to accomplish it, it will be done.
You can imagine my joy in 2002 when the stick turned blue on the Feast of the Annunciation. To hear in my head that I was going to be a mother again was wonderful. To have this child due around Christmas, gave me the unique position to walk Mary's walk with this pregnancy. It was not an untroubled journey, nearly spontaneously losing my precious passenger at 10 weeks and wondering at 16 weeks if the little one had survived the accidental electrical shock I got from a light switch. As my firm was bought by a company, I took the severance and looked forward to a period of rest from corporate life and a chance to redirect my energies to my family. Fervent was my prayer for this little one, who I was convinced was a little girl and should be named Mary Rose, despite the many complaints of my family. But that was not to be. Instead, at the end of a uncharacteristically long and difficult labor on yet another profoundly Marian feast day - The Immaculate Conception on 8 December - the tiny little boy named Christopher Martin (for Christ and for Mary) was laid in my arms. And every day since, he has been "bearer of Christ" to me. Some days it is those little tastes of His Heavenly banquet - that sweet total bliss that kisses you like an early morning cool breeze. Other days it has been the Cross and I swear I feel the sword prophesied by Simeon pierce my own heart.
I am a firm believer that "mother's intuition" is grace; promptings of the Holy Spirit to listen to what was written into our humanity the minute God made us women. On his first day of life, not unlike any mother after an arduous labor, I asked if my son was okay. The response then was "he's just little". But so began the long series of events where my heart kept saying... something is not right. Unable to nurse, acid reflux, late to sit, late to crawl, late to walk, slow to gain weight, eczema, head slightly misshapen, curving toes, long fingers, sinus infections, food allergies, and most importantly, not talking. As each one of my concerns was dismissed by well meaning doctors who looked at me like I was paranoid, I tried to just enjoy the happy moments. We lovingly teased that Christopher was destined to be pope someday, because at 9 mos he would love to bob forward and kiss the carpet as if he were venerating the soil of the motherland. He particularly loved music, and would often stop his play if something melodic was playing. At 2, with a vocabulary replete with nouns and a few verbs but no phrases, he loved trucks like most little boys and was content to play with them for long periods of time, putting them all together like a long train. All the while, something still didn't seem right and we debated having the next child, thinking, "this seems so much harder than the first three."
Fortunately, Christopher was content to entertain himself, because my pregnancy with Karolin laid me flat with morning sickness so horrendous, I actually took medication for it. At his 3 year check up, the pediatrician started to take notice as Christopher was still not potty trained and was still behind in language, although progressing. We agreed that we would see a speech language pathologist after the baby was born if he didn't catch up. That visit to the SLP began a chain of events that resulted in a diagnosis that changed every few weeks. Speech/language delay, then Pervasive Developmental Delay, autism, and ultimately a rare genetic disorder where a small chromosomal component q29 is missing on one of his 3rd chromosomes. No I wasn't crazy...something was wrong to include one more thing no one had said... mental retardation.
Part of me died that day. I am pretty sure now that it is just the part that was full of dreams and expectations for the little boy, who as a baby savored Gregorian chant, and at 2, loved to celebrate Mass on the coffee table. Yes, the child I felt was so blessed was indeed blessed, but was also marked for a life of struggle. As a former elementary school misfit, I was crushed to know his crosses would be the burdens of trying to relate to people, feeling and giving love, having friends and even living independently. For a woman of Italian heritage, nothing is more painful than to know your child will have difficulty with foods and family banter around the table. I was angry with myself. All that repetitive behavior was telling me something wasn't right and I just missed it or let doctors dismiss my concerns. And I was angry with God... really really angry. It was quite apparent now to me that the reason for my MA in theology was not because I was to teach. No, I needed a profound understanding of my faith, if I was going to pick up this Cross. As it was, no less than 4 priests spent many hours that next year aiding me in finding all that He had written upon my heart. Physician, heal thyself. Theologian, embrace your faith.
Since that day 3 years ago, so much has changed both for Christopher and for me. Unlike many children with autism, he is verbal, although his language is disordered and he has trouble staying on topics because of hefty attention deficits. Many of the old fears and "stims" have faded, and while the vocabulary is not complex, he can often tell us how he is feeling. I feel particularly lucky as I seem to still be the recipient of his most intimate conversations. On our vacation this summer, as we were walking out of the first of the nine hotels we needed to visit to make the trip, he looked right at me and said, "staying in a hotel wasn't scary, but fun". A true gift when a mere two years ago we suffered several nights in a hotel for my sister's wedding. As it appears from testing that Christopher is not mentally retarded, a fact that will need to be confirmed by more testing, his novel case will be prepared for publication in the medical literature. It is a breath of fresh air to be contributing to the hope of others instead of looking for that hope.
New expectations and new dreams always follow the death of old ones. While Christopher may never be ordained a priest, which in catholic mom lore gives you a leg up on Heaven, he has continually born Christ to me in some rather priestly fashions. I still remember in his heavily tantrumed days, I was also teaching him the words to "Away in A Manger". I hung on those words, "...Baby Jesus, no crying He makes..." and continually calmed him telling him he needed to "match Jesus". Imagine my amazement when on one occasion, Christopher broke through his tears and told me, "yes, Mommy, the Cross." It didn't take an MA in theology to finish that sermon. "Pick yours up and carry it, Mom.
More recently we were in the car approaching a stop light alongside a school bus for a small non- denominational school near our home. Christopher piped up, " Mommy, I want to go to a Christian school." When I inquired why, he flatly replied, "So that I can learn about God." Two weeks later we were crawling in traffic to get to his first vacation Bible school class, certain to miss most of it. I was devastated and really wondering why God wouldn't see fit to get this child of His to this opportunity to deepen his pure simple faith. Christopher willingly sang the Divine Mercy Chaplet (don't worry, it's a comparatively obscure Catholic devotion) with me, giving us moments of peace, if not thinning traffic. It was hard to diminish his elated "it's working , Mom, keep praying." with, "prayer makes us patient with the traffic, it doesn't necessarily move it out of the way."
But at the moment, the memory that comes to the forefront of my consciousness is the one that just yesterday came full circle. Shortly after Christopher was diagnosed, we made a family trek to the National Museum of American History, someplace we thought we could escape the summer heat and have all the kids from teenager to infant enjoy an outing. I had really wanted to show Christopher the transportation exhibit with all the trains and cars. Imagine my devastation and horror when he started running out of the exhibit, screaming with his hands over his ears, terrified by the immensity of the vehicles on display. As we made our way out of the museum, we passed a young child in a wheel chair and at that moment, I could have traded Christopher's autism for a withered leg. Somehow lifting a child over thresholds and stairs seemed so much more doable than mediating your child's social existence with the world.
I couldn't quit that day and life isn't a football draft and trading free agents. It is living fully what God has given to you and trusting that what you have is exactly what you need. As we made our way down to the National Gallery of Art and its calmer environment, Christopher found his place. That ziploc baggie of goldfish crackers flying from one hand, and scampering in a wayward pattern along the curb and landscape, he shared his snack with any wildlife creature who cared a nibble. And there were giggles and laughs.
Yesterday we were back in the NMAH, and I wondered what to do about the trains. We visited the hands on invention exhibit and Christopher gleefully set up an albatross of pinwheels spinning wildly in the makeshift wind of a fan. Despite the crowds he stuck close to me as we admired the Stradavari's, and I had to smile as he identified all the string instruments, noting the differences in tone that they each add to music. I could have wept as I stood in Julia Child's kitchen... the icon of food, family, and fun. Christopher and I chatted about how she was very much like Gousteau in Ratatouille, as she too believed that "anyone can cook." And then as we prepared to leave, I had to take him... and we went into the train exhibit. I held his hand the whole time, and he did react to the piped in "train noises", but we talked about how it wasn't real, that the train couldn't move, and this was a safe way to see something really close. We wandered the rest of the exhibit and a few times, he said "we need to find the exit", which when we did, he promptly said right into my face, "Mommy, it wasn't that bad." A little taste of Heaven.
I suppose one has to wonder why this post and why now. After all, this blog is usually full of my physical aches and pains as I try to maintain some level of fitness. Well if truth be known, it is mostly to give myself a little homily again. After spending numerous hours back in the doctors' offices this past week, it has been a lot of reason without the faith. Ratio non fides. It has been a lot of the scientific analysis of what is wrong with Christopher, what is broken, what cannot be fixed. I'm not sure which was worse - the neurologist who said there was nothing to do for him and "just enjoy my son" or the doctor who seemed insistent on including the fact that I declined prenatal testing during my pregnancy as if that would have been the smarter thing to do. So much of what Christopher isn't, so much of what Christopher will not be. All that utilitarian focus that makes our world one that embraces eugenics as a tonic for suffering. Yes, I needed to write this to put the faith back on the balance of reason. To put the soul of Christopher's differently- abled body back in the forefront of my consciousness.
To do that, I've been going back to some things my priest friends shared with me. One, a good hearted German soul from a huge family of 13 (to include a disabled sister), helped me focus on what Heaven will be like, and specifically on all the catching up Christopher and I will be doing there. Of course this was followed by a harsh reminder that my despair over all of this could very well squander my chances at Heaven. So get it together, sister.
Once a priest in confession asked me to meditate upon how much God must love and trust me that he gave Christopher to me. Just imagine how he might not be as safe if his dear soul had not been born of my womb and entrusted to our care. So many disabled children are abused, a horror beyond imagination.
The other was a young Irish priest, who was willing to take me on in my weakest moments and buffet back my vocal anger at God. He flat out told me that I needed to build the virtue of gratitude, one step at a time. Every time I crossed the threshold to Christopher's room, I was to offer a small ejaculative prayer of thanks for this incredible soul. Just do it, each and every time. He was certain that such a small gift on my part would be rewarded with the grace of a well spring of peace growing in my heart.
And so I try to do, every time I pass into that room painted in Mary's color... blue.
Mulier, ecce filius tuus.
Woman, behold thy son.
Deo gratias.
Woman, behold thy son.
Those are Jesus' words to His mother Mary as he hung in his last hours on the Cross. The Catholic teaching on this poignant moment in Scripture recorded by "thy son", St. John, (John 19:26), is that Jesus' use of "woman" and "son", instead of their names, was to underscore the point that Mary is to be a mother to all whom Jesus loved and called his disciples. In this singular moment, Christ gave all his beloved to his Mother for her care and protection. It is here that Catholics find their devotion (note I do NOT say worship) to she who is "full of grace", and they often plead for her intercession to her Son for a modicum of that same grace.
It has never been lost on me that all of this takes place at the foot of the Cross. Nor has it escaped me that only the disciple closest to Jesus and his graced mother were there to bear the horror of the Crucifixion. Only they were there amid the pain to witness the greatest event in all of human history. The lesson is quite simple: Jesus wrought the supreme act of salvation through the pain of death offered to His Father for the sin of all mankind. Suffering is not for naught. And for those who are closest to Him, who participate in His suffering by offering their own suffering as a gift, there is a unique gift of grace. It is here one finds another Catholic tradition: the "offering it up" of little sacrifices.
It is amazing to me that Mary, by grace was able to stand and watch all the Passion unfold and not rush in and try to stop it all from happening. Every mother hopes to have the strength to raise her children to succeed at the tasks willed to them by God. Yet, figuring out when to act and when remain still is the challenge. Turning to Mary's example from that first "yes" at the Annunciation to her tears at the Crucifixion, can be the constant reminder of what we can accomplish with His grace, if we just cooperate with it. If we look for what is God's will and ask for the grace to accomplish it, it will be done.
You can imagine my joy in 2002 when the stick turned blue on the Feast of the Annunciation. To hear in my head that I was going to be a mother again was wonderful. To have this child due around Christmas, gave me the unique position to walk Mary's walk with this pregnancy. It was not an untroubled journey, nearly spontaneously losing my precious passenger at 10 weeks and wondering at 16 weeks if the little one had survived the accidental electrical shock I got from a light switch. As my firm was bought by a company, I took the severance and looked forward to a period of rest from corporate life and a chance to redirect my energies to my family. Fervent was my prayer for this little one, who I was convinced was a little girl and should be named Mary Rose, despite the many complaints of my family. But that was not to be. Instead, at the end of a uncharacteristically long and difficult labor on yet another profoundly Marian feast day - The Immaculate Conception on 8 December - the tiny little boy named Christopher Martin (for Christ and for Mary) was laid in my arms. And every day since, he has been "bearer of Christ" to me. Some days it is those little tastes of His Heavenly banquet - that sweet total bliss that kisses you like an early morning cool breeze. Other days it has been the Cross and I swear I feel the sword prophesied by Simeon pierce my own heart.
I am a firm believer that "mother's intuition" is grace; promptings of the Holy Spirit to listen to what was written into our humanity the minute God made us women. On his first day of life, not unlike any mother after an arduous labor, I asked if my son was okay. The response then was "he's just little". But so began the long series of events where my heart kept saying... something is not right. Unable to nurse, acid reflux, late to sit, late to crawl, late to walk, slow to gain weight, eczema, head slightly misshapen, curving toes, long fingers, sinus infections, food allergies, and most importantly, not talking. As each one of my concerns was dismissed by well meaning doctors who looked at me like I was paranoid, I tried to just enjoy the happy moments. We lovingly teased that Christopher was destined to be pope someday, because at 9 mos he would love to bob forward and kiss the carpet as if he were venerating the soil of the motherland. He particularly loved music, and would often stop his play if something melodic was playing. At 2, with a vocabulary replete with nouns and a few verbs but no phrases, he loved trucks like most little boys and was content to play with them for long periods of time, putting them all together like a long train. All the while, something still didn't seem right and we debated having the next child, thinking, "this seems so much harder than the first three."
Fortunately, Christopher was content to entertain himself, because my pregnancy with Karolin laid me flat with morning sickness so horrendous, I actually took medication for it. At his 3 year check up, the pediatrician started to take notice as Christopher was still not potty trained and was still behind in language, although progressing. We agreed that we would see a speech language pathologist after the baby was born if he didn't catch up. That visit to the SLP began a chain of events that resulted in a diagnosis that changed every few weeks. Speech/language delay, then Pervasive Developmental Delay, autism, and ultimately a rare genetic disorder where a small chromosomal component q29 is missing on one of his 3rd chromosomes. No I wasn't crazy...something was wrong to include one more thing no one had said... mental retardation.
Part of me died that day. I am pretty sure now that it is just the part that was full of dreams and expectations for the little boy, who as a baby savored Gregorian chant, and at 2, loved to celebrate Mass on the coffee table. Yes, the child I felt was so blessed was indeed blessed, but was also marked for a life of struggle. As a former elementary school misfit, I was crushed to know his crosses would be the burdens of trying to relate to people, feeling and giving love, having friends and even living independently. For a woman of Italian heritage, nothing is more painful than to know your child will have difficulty with foods and family banter around the table. I was angry with myself. All that repetitive behavior was telling me something wasn't right and I just missed it or let doctors dismiss my concerns. And I was angry with God... really really angry. It was quite apparent now to me that the reason for my MA in theology was not because I was to teach. No, I needed a profound understanding of my faith, if I was going to pick up this Cross. As it was, no less than 4 priests spent many hours that next year aiding me in finding all that He had written upon my heart. Physician, heal thyself. Theologian, embrace your faith.
Since that day 3 years ago, so much has changed both for Christopher and for me. Unlike many children with autism, he is verbal, although his language is disordered and he has trouble staying on topics because of hefty attention deficits. Many of the old fears and "stims" have faded, and while the vocabulary is not complex, he can often tell us how he is feeling. I feel particularly lucky as I seem to still be the recipient of his most intimate conversations. On our vacation this summer, as we were walking out of the first of the nine hotels we needed to visit to make the trip, he looked right at me and said, "staying in a hotel wasn't scary, but fun". A true gift when a mere two years ago we suffered several nights in a hotel for my sister's wedding. As it appears from testing that Christopher is not mentally retarded, a fact that will need to be confirmed by more testing, his novel case will be prepared for publication in the medical literature. It is a breath of fresh air to be contributing to the hope of others instead of looking for that hope.
New expectations and new dreams always follow the death of old ones. While Christopher may never be ordained a priest, which in catholic mom lore gives you a leg up on Heaven, he has continually born Christ to me in some rather priestly fashions. I still remember in his heavily tantrumed days, I was also teaching him the words to "Away in A Manger". I hung on those words, "...Baby Jesus, no crying He makes..." and continually calmed him telling him he needed to "match Jesus". Imagine my amazement when on one occasion, Christopher broke through his tears and told me, "yes, Mommy, the Cross." It didn't take an MA in theology to finish that sermon. "Pick yours up and carry it, Mom.
More recently we were in the car approaching a stop light alongside a school bus for a small non- denominational school near our home. Christopher piped up, " Mommy, I want to go to a Christian school." When I inquired why, he flatly replied, "So that I can learn about God." Two weeks later we were crawling in traffic to get to his first vacation Bible school class, certain to miss most of it. I was devastated and really wondering why God wouldn't see fit to get this child of His to this opportunity to deepen his pure simple faith. Christopher willingly sang the Divine Mercy Chaplet (don't worry, it's a comparatively obscure Catholic devotion) with me, giving us moments of peace, if not thinning traffic. It was hard to diminish his elated "it's working , Mom, keep praying." with, "prayer makes us patient with the traffic, it doesn't necessarily move it out of the way."
But at the moment, the memory that comes to the forefront of my consciousness is the one that just yesterday came full circle. Shortly after Christopher was diagnosed, we made a family trek to the National Museum of American History, someplace we thought we could escape the summer heat and have all the kids from teenager to infant enjoy an outing. I had really wanted to show Christopher the transportation exhibit with all the trains and cars. Imagine my devastation and horror when he started running out of the exhibit, screaming with his hands over his ears, terrified by the immensity of the vehicles on display. As we made our way out of the museum, we passed a young child in a wheel chair and at that moment, I could have traded Christopher's autism for a withered leg. Somehow lifting a child over thresholds and stairs seemed so much more doable than mediating your child's social existence with the world.
I couldn't quit that day and life isn't a football draft and trading free agents. It is living fully what God has given to you and trusting that what you have is exactly what you need. As we made our way down to the National Gallery of Art and its calmer environment, Christopher found his place. That ziploc baggie of goldfish crackers flying from one hand, and scampering in a wayward pattern along the curb and landscape, he shared his snack with any wildlife creature who cared a nibble. And there were giggles and laughs.
Yesterday we were back in the NMAH, and I wondered what to do about the trains. We visited the hands on invention exhibit and Christopher gleefully set up an albatross of pinwheels spinning wildly in the makeshift wind of a fan. Despite the crowds he stuck close to me as we admired the Stradavari's, and I had to smile as he identified all the string instruments, noting the differences in tone that they each add to music. I could have wept as I stood in Julia Child's kitchen... the icon of food, family, and fun. Christopher and I chatted about how she was very much like Gousteau in Ratatouille, as she too believed that "anyone can cook." And then as we prepared to leave, I had to take him... and we went into the train exhibit. I held his hand the whole time, and he did react to the piped in "train noises", but we talked about how it wasn't real, that the train couldn't move, and this was a safe way to see something really close. We wandered the rest of the exhibit and a few times, he said "we need to find the exit", which when we did, he promptly said right into my face, "Mommy, it wasn't that bad." A little taste of Heaven.
I suppose one has to wonder why this post and why now. After all, this blog is usually full of my physical aches and pains as I try to maintain some level of fitness. Well if truth be known, it is mostly to give myself a little homily again. After spending numerous hours back in the doctors' offices this past week, it has been a lot of reason without the faith. Ratio non fides. It has been a lot of the scientific analysis of what is wrong with Christopher, what is broken, what cannot be fixed. I'm not sure which was worse - the neurologist who said there was nothing to do for him and "just enjoy my son" or the doctor who seemed insistent on including the fact that I declined prenatal testing during my pregnancy as if that would have been the smarter thing to do. So much of what Christopher isn't, so much of what Christopher will not be. All that utilitarian focus that makes our world one that embraces eugenics as a tonic for suffering. Yes, I needed to write this to put the faith back on the balance of reason. To put the soul of Christopher's differently- abled body back in the forefront of my consciousness.
To do that, I've been going back to some things my priest friends shared with me. One, a good hearted German soul from a huge family of 13 (to include a disabled sister), helped me focus on what Heaven will be like, and specifically on all the catching up Christopher and I will be doing there. Of course this was followed by a harsh reminder that my despair over all of this could very well squander my chances at Heaven. So get it together, sister.
Once a priest in confession asked me to meditate upon how much God must love and trust me that he gave Christopher to me. Just imagine how he might not be as safe if his dear soul had not been born of my womb and entrusted to our care. So many disabled children are abused, a horror beyond imagination.
The other was a young Irish priest, who was willing to take me on in my weakest moments and buffet back my vocal anger at God. He flat out told me that I needed to build the virtue of gratitude, one step at a time. Every time I crossed the threshold to Christopher's room, I was to offer a small ejaculative prayer of thanks for this incredible soul. Just do it, each and every time. He was certain that such a small gift on my part would be rewarded with the grace of a well spring of peace growing in my heart.
And so I try to do, every time I pass into that room painted in Mary's color... blue.
Mulier, ecce filius tuus.
Woman, behold thy son.
Deo gratias.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
WOD090902
3 RFT: 20 ring dips, 20 Wall ball, 600 m run
29:28
No juice... not sure what's up, but this was another dragger of a workout. I can live with the valiant effort at ring dips... they really hit my weakness and it takes a long time to do 20. Just turn off the clock and get the range of motion. Not fun struggling for singles at the end, but I did finish them all. But the lack of grace on the wall ball was really discouraging. I really didn't feel like I had any push out of the bottom of the squat and I don't think I made the 10ft target a single time. Doesn't bode well for FGB in 3 weeks. The cool morning was such a joy for running, it really was a downer that I couldn't push myself faster. No juice.
Off tomorrow. Not sure what the WOD will be for FF.
29:28
No juice... not sure what's up, but this was another dragger of a workout. I can live with the valiant effort at ring dips... they really hit my weakness and it takes a long time to do 20. Just turn off the clock and get the range of motion. Not fun struggling for singles at the end, but I did finish them all. But the lack of grace on the wall ball was really discouraging. I really didn't feel like I had any push out of the bottom of the squat and I don't think I made the 10ft target a single time. Doesn't bode well for FGB in 3 weeks. The cool morning was such a joy for running, it really was a downer that I couldn't push myself faster. No juice.
Off tomorrow. Not sure what the WOD will be for FF.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
WOD 090831
WOD for the capable 21->3 ladder (decrease by 3 each round) Lsit Pull ups/ Strict press
ALT WOD 5 rounds 10 PU's 15 Presses, 20 Abmat
If you felt all the dust flowing out of your house this morning, that would be courtesy of me, because I totally sucked at this workout this morning. This was all upper body with brief rest of abmats for me. I worked kipping pullups with my purple floss, and was only able to crank out a couple of doubles. I can't follow directions apparently and only did 10 presses vice 15. I had to strip the weight from 60 to 55 after the first round or I never would have finished. As it was, I was doing the leg quiver and lots of singles by the 4th round.
Yep, this was a just quit WOD. Pull ups felt so weak, you'd never know I've been working on them a year. Strict press could have been considered tolerable, until realizing that I didn't do all that I should have. Just plain rotten. I'd like to say I am looking forward to meeting this one again so I can mark some progress, but I'm still to disappointed to get there.
Probably what really bummed me most was how dang heavy the silly 35# kb swings felt during the warm up. FGB is coming just around the corner, and I don't feel ready to take on anything.
'nough whining. Hit it again tomorrow. Look forward to next week when school starts again and two a day's a couple times a week. Cooler weather coming. All good things.
ALT WOD 5 rounds 10 PU's 15 Presses, 20 Abmat
If you felt all the dust flowing out of your house this morning, that would be courtesy of me, because I totally sucked at this workout this morning. This was all upper body with brief rest of abmats for me. I worked kipping pullups with my purple floss, and was only able to crank out a couple of doubles. I can't follow directions apparently and only did 10 presses vice 15. I had to strip the weight from 60 to 55 after the first round or I never would have finished. As it was, I was doing the leg quiver and lots of singles by the 4th round.
Yep, this was a just quit WOD. Pull ups felt so weak, you'd never know I've been working on them a year. Strict press could have been considered tolerable, until realizing that I didn't do all that I should have. Just plain rotten. I'd like to say I am looking forward to meeting this one again so I can mark some progress, but I'm still to disappointed to get there.
Probably what really bummed me most was how dang heavy the silly 35# kb swings felt during the warm up. FGB is coming just around the corner, and I don't feel ready to take on anything.
'nough whining. Hit it again tomorrow. Look forward to next week when school starts again and two a day's a couple times a week. Cooler weather coming. All good things.
Friday, August 28, 2009
WOD 090828
Today will be a run day on my own once there is a break in the clouds/rain.
Busy week coming on starting today with SLP, Audiology, Genetics, and Developmental Pediatric appointments for Christopher. Some can be several hours in length and are quite exhausting as it seems I repeat myself many times over...
Besides schedule, running a 5K today is appropriate. Today is Peter's - my uncle and serious XC runner - 47th birthday. Unfortunately his glioblastoma is growing again after several months of no growth and has caused him some seizures as well as put his entrance into experimental drug therapy on hold. Not pretty, not much to do, but prayer and sweat on this one.
Caught Julia and Julie last night at the Hoffman with Erin. Mastering the Art of French Cooking and Joy of Cooking both sit upon my bookshelf, quite smudged with flour, olive oil and perhaps a little butter. I really liked the movie... who wouldn't... it's all about the love of food, family, friends. It is the culture that cooked instead of heated up. It is the culture that fasted before feasting, and it is the culture where a woman wore pearls! (Yes I'm a sucker for Audrey Hepburn too) Julia Child is inspiring because she wasn't perfect, but she cooked her way through the most prestigious Le Cordon Bleu. Martha Stewart could take a few lessons from her in how to be authentically human and see your craft infused with your own good humor.
Seriously, I think everyone should see this movie and Ratatouille (yes the Disney cartoon). Being able to feed yourself and your family good food isn't really that hard. Both movies are inspiration to cook in the French style. Which by the way, if you read The End of Overeating, may actually have it's paradox wrapped up in a culture of intermittent fasting...
Bon Apetit
Busy week coming on starting today with SLP, Audiology, Genetics, and Developmental Pediatric appointments for Christopher. Some can be several hours in length and are quite exhausting as it seems I repeat myself many times over...
Besides schedule, running a 5K today is appropriate. Today is Peter's - my uncle and serious XC runner - 47th birthday. Unfortunately his glioblastoma is growing again after several months of no growth and has caused him some seizures as well as put his entrance into experimental drug therapy on hold. Not pretty, not much to do, but prayer and sweat on this one.
Caught Julia and Julie last night at the Hoffman with Erin. Mastering the Art of French Cooking and Joy of Cooking both sit upon my bookshelf, quite smudged with flour, olive oil and perhaps a little butter. I really liked the movie... who wouldn't... it's all about the love of food, family, friends. It is the culture that cooked instead of heated up. It is the culture that fasted before feasting, and it is the culture where a woman wore pearls! (Yes I'm a sucker for Audrey Hepburn too) Julia Child is inspiring because she wasn't perfect, but she cooked her way through the most prestigious Le Cordon Bleu. Martha Stewart could take a few lessons from her in how to be authentically human and see your craft infused with your own good humor.
Seriously, I think everyone should see this movie and Ratatouille (yes the Disney cartoon). Being able to feed yourself and your family good food isn't really that hard. Both movies are inspiration to cook in the French style. Which by the way, if you read The End of Overeating, may actually have it's paradox wrapped up in a culture of intermittent fasting...
Bon Apetit
WOD 090827
Run, Push Jerk, Pull ups. 800, 15, 600, 12, 400, 9
Stuck with the porch weight again today at 55. 65 felt heavy and 70 impossible. Red banded pull ups since I wasn't get much with my magic purple floss today. Will need to check the WB for my time as I've now forgotten.
My left shoulder hurts in the front, and I could have done better with getting to active shoulder. Saw a note from a Rippetoe article about engaging the traps. I am going to put this on my mental list for my next overhead workout. I think too much about lifting with the lats and I don't think I've ever considered the rest of my upper back. So more thinking to add to the motor planning part of the equation
My left leg is still tender and swelling as the day goes on. Time to see the dr. on this one... DVT is not outside the realm of possibility and that is nothing to mess with. Ugh! Not fair for someone who is eating better this year!
Stuck with the porch weight again today at 55. 65 felt heavy and 70 impossible. Red banded pull ups since I wasn't get much with my magic purple floss today. Will need to check the WB for my time as I've now forgotten.
My left shoulder hurts in the front, and I could have done better with getting to active shoulder. Saw a note from a Rippetoe article about engaging the traps. I am going to put this on my mental list for my next overhead workout. I think too much about lifting with the lats and I don't think I've ever considered the rest of my upper back. So more thinking to add to the motor planning part of the equation
My left leg is still tender and swelling as the day goes on. Time to see the dr. on this one... DVT is not outside the realm of possibility and that is nothing to mess with. Ugh! Not fair for someone who is eating better this year!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
WOD 090826
Rest Day
Just not feeling great. Sore sure from getting back at things, but more bug like... headache and dragging.
Try for tommorrow. No new T-shirt today.
Just not feeling great. Sore sure from getting back at things, but more bug like... headache and dragging.
Try for tommorrow. No new T-shirt today.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
WOD 090825
Back in the Box
I will probably travel log our adventures separately in case anyone is interested in how to get a small herd to graze half way across the country for 9 days.
Today was a strength con circuit. 3, 6, 9 Heavy cleans, ring dips, and box jumps. I played it safe on the porch and only went with 75lbs on the cleans. Probably could have done the 85, but given my erractic life with lifts, I didn't think that was the way to come back to the box. Ring dips were tired and I even stumbled a box jump. But it was 26:18 spent in action instead of watching the trees go by.
Lots of things impeded getting a single good workout on this trip, but there was some fun in a pool and at the beach and tons of walking and carrying wee one around an amusement park. That said none of it makes up for the poor diet that comes when you travel. I am thoroughly convinced that that other than a few diamonds, it is all rough out there in restaurant land. Don't be alarmed when you read my travel log... I wasn't eating pasta at the Italian restaurants but marsala and piccata and subbing veggies on the side. But ugh! I actually had several meals that I would deem unpalatable because of the quantity of seasoning and other additives. I can now add Carrabas to my list of "never go back"
Point is eating heavy and driving makes a rotten combination. I actually have edema in my left foot that looks pretty much like 3rd trimester water retention. That calf feels like it had night cramps too. The right driving hip is sore up to my back and my neck and shoulders have that dull ache. Rats... all this and no great work outs to show for it.
Hopefully with a week back in the box and my fridge and out of the car, things will look better by the weekend.
I will probably travel log our adventures separately in case anyone is interested in how to get a small herd to graze half way across the country for 9 days.
Today was a strength con circuit. 3, 6, 9 Heavy cleans, ring dips, and box jumps. I played it safe on the porch and only went with 75lbs on the cleans. Probably could have done the 85, but given my erractic life with lifts, I didn't think that was the way to come back to the box. Ring dips were tired and I even stumbled a box jump. But it was 26:18 spent in action instead of watching the trees go by.
Lots of things impeded getting a single good workout on this trip, but there was some fun in a pool and at the beach and tons of walking and carrying wee one around an amusement park. That said none of it makes up for the poor diet that comes when you travel. I am thoroughly convinced that that other than a few diamonds, it is all rough out there in restaurant land. Don't be alarmed when you read my travel log... I wasn't eating pasta at the Italian restaurants but marsala and piccata and subbing veggies on the side. But ugh! I actually had several meals that I would deem unpalatable because of the quantity of seasoning and other additives. I can now add Carrabas to my list of "never go back"
Point is eating heavy and driving makes a rotten combination. I actually have edema in my left foot that looks pretty much like 3rd trimester water retention. That calf feels like it had night cramps too. The right driving hip is sore up to my back and my neck and shoulders have that dull ache. Rats... all this and no great work outs to show for it.
Hopefully with a week back in the box and my fridge and out of the car, things will look better by the weekend.
Friday, August 14, 2009
WOD 090814
Back Squats 3,3,3,3,3 record top load
55, 85, 105, 105, 115, 115, 120 (PR)
Lots of challenges to overcome this morning. My recovery from yesterday is slow. The lower legs feel tight and the forward part of my shoulders is hurting from the pushups yesterday.
My first few sets I had a LOT of trouble getting a decent rack position around the bar. I even had to just lay on the floor a bit, hands clasped behind my head with elbows back to slowly get things opened up. I was able to get a better, albeit not fantastic, position after that. It is really hard to concentrate on the squatting - core, heels, back angle when you are still contemplating the bar placement on your back.
I also think the sleep has really caught up with me, because I just felt mentally foggy... more than just the usual math troubles counting plates at 0515. I don't think I had the quick mental focus to process the coaching cues I was getting.
And then something happened that never has in the box. I got really annoyed with the music. Not the usual, I don't really like rap, type feeling that I can ignore. More of the I really hate this song (Poker Face) and I don't want it or what it represents stuck in my head all day. Catchy tune/beat sure with a bit of edgy attitude, but I really hate the message it delivers. Jerry was nice to skip it for me. Now before you think me a prude, I really don't like Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young" for the same reason... great music that makes it hard to see the not so great message that is getting wired into your brain. Unfortunately the next song in the play list was actually worse... something about being "retardo", which regardless of whatever the current vogue connotation is, really hurts anyone who lives in a world with the learning disabled.
So, Jerry has always said, if the music bugs you, better have a play list. So I subjected my box mates to Foreigner, Styx, Kim Wilde, Bryan Adams, Bonnie Tyler, Cold Play, The Romantics, and if we had made it through, it would have been the best of lifting songs.... Queen's "We Will Rock You" It's a play list really suited to a strengthcon, but it sort of worked to at least wake people up. Talk about brain death though... I couldn't remember that "Holding Out for a Hero" was from Footloose (before it was remade for "Shrek", anyway)
I love music and what it does for mind, body and soul. It can drive a mood and create great achievement for athlete, whether it is setting a pace or just generating positive energy. For me, these older classics drag me back to feeling a little younger and vibrant, tearing a hole in a dancefloor somewhere in my 20's. This morning, with my shoulders fighting to wrap around that barbell, I needed to turn on that youthful feeling again.
But this also tells me that I am due for my week off from CF, both physically and mentally. If you need the music to move you in the right direction, by all means do it. But it is just an analgesic, and doesn't really fix what's not right. Time to rest a few joints, sleep the noggin, and start reflecting on the big picture again.
Vacation next week. Hopefully there will be many salads on those menus!
55, 85, 105, 105, 115, 115, 120 (PR)
Lots of challenges to overcome this morning. My recovery from yesterday is slow. The lower legs feel tight and the forward part of my shoulders is hurting from the pushups yesterday.
My first few sets I had a LOT of trouble getting a decent rack position around the bar. I even had to just lay on the floor a bit, hands clasped behind my head with elbows back to slowly get things opened up. I was able to get a better, albeit not fantastic, position after that. It is really hard to concentrate on the squatting - core, heels, back angle when you are still contemplating the bar placement on your back.
I also think the sleep has really caught up with me, because I just felt mentally foggy... more than just the usual math troubles counting plates at 0515. I don't think I had the quick mental focus to process the coaching cues I was getting.
And then something happened that never has in the box. I got really annoyed with the music. Not the usual, I don't really like rap, type feeling that I can ignore. More of the I really hate this song (Poker Face) and I don't want it or what it represents stuck in my head all day. Catchy tune/beat sure with a bit of edgy attitude, but I really hate the message it delivers. Jerry was nice to skip it for me. Now before you think me a prude, I really don't like Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young" for the same reason... great music that makes it hard to see the not so great message that is getting wired into your brain. Unfortunately the next song in the play list was actually worse... something about being "retardo", which regardless of whatever the current vogue connotation is, really hurts anyone who lives in a world with the learning disabled.
So, Jerry has always said, if the music bugs you, better have a play list. So I subjected my box mates to Foreigner, Styx, Kim Wilde, Bryan Adams, Bonnie Tyler, Cold Play, The Romantics, and if we had made it through, it would have been the best of lifting songs.... Queen's "We Will Rock You" It's a play list really suited to a strengthcon, but it sort of worked to at least wake people up. Talk about brain death though... I couldn't remember that "Holding Out for a Hero" was from Footloose (before it was remade for "Shrek", anyway)
I love music and what it does for mind, body and soul. It can drive a mood and create great achievement for athlete, whether it is setting a pace or just generating positive energy. For me, these older classics drag me back to feeling a little younger and vibrant, tearing a hole in a dancefloor somewhere in my 20's. This morning, with my shoulders fighting to wrap around that barbell, I needed to turn on that youthful feeling again.
But this also tells me that I am due for my week off from CF, both physically and mentally. If you need the music to move you in the right direction, by all means do it. But it is just an analgesic, and doesn't really fix what's not right. Time to rest a few joints, sleep the noggin, and start reflecting on the big picture again.
Vacation next week. Hopefully there will be many salads on those menus!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
WOD 090813
5 RFT 9 Toes to Bar, 12 Push Press, 15 Pushups, 300m run
My mod - Knees 2 Elbows, 55vice 65 on the Push Press, 4 /5 rounds of pushups were knee push ups.
My time 26:51
Not so great, but I am soooooooooo tired. I have been under 6 hrs of sleep every night since Saturday and I'm starting to think Karolin is a newborn again with her sleep pattern. Actually I suspect it's milk in her diet which she drinks sporadically.
The K2E did feel stronger than they have in the past, plus it was nice to work the core instead of the shoulders on that bar! The 55 on the push press was a choice because my shoulders have been feeling spent and I really wanted to do it right. I was rewarded for my prudence with 5 unbroken sets(resting only in the rack, not setting it down) and fewer form faults. Jerry's emphasis that your shoulder is better protected when you get to active shoulder was a help. Plus 55 is FGB weight for women and a good one to feel comfortable with for 5 rounds. I still don't know what has happened to my pushups, but I am hoping that this turns around. I HATE doing them on my knees and slipping all over an abmat.
Overall a good WOD and payback for the dietary wanderings yesterday
My mod - Knees 2 Elbows, 55vice 65 on the Push Press, 4 /5 rounds of pushups were knee push ups.
My time 26:51
Not so great, but I am soooooooooo tired. I have been under 6 hrs of sleep every night since Saturday and I'm starting to think Karolin is a newborn again with her sleep pattern. Actually I suspect it's milk in her diet which she drinks sporadically.
The K2E did feel stronger than they have in the past, plus it was nice to work the core instead of the shoulders on that bar! The 55 on the push press was a choice because my shoulders have been feeling spent and I really wanted to do it right. I was rewarded for my prudence with 5 unbroken sets(resting only in the rack, not setting it down) and fewer form faults. Jerry's emphasis that your shoulder is better protected when you get to active shoulder was a help. Plus 55 is FGB weight for women and a good one to feel comfortable with for 5 rounds. I still don't know what has happened to my pushups, but I am hoping that this turns around. I HATE doing them on my knees and slipping all over an abmat.
Overall a good WOD and payback for the dietary wanderings yesterday
WOD 090812
Rest Day ... sort of.
Didn't want to miss Ellen's coaching on rowing today. So I drug myself to the box and made sure I got in two 500m rows and some abmat work.
Ellen's coaching that emphasized the relationship to the deadlift was a very big help to me. First from a confidence perspective, since deadlifting is one of my stronger moves. Second, it helped make sense of the form of the pull of the stroke. It probably also explains why I like to lean back (or stand up straight) with my row stroke. This is an area where I could probably work on not wasting time/energy, but for now, overemphasizing some should help me get that kinesthetic memory going.
Very, very, very bad diet day. But a very very good learning day. I am definitely a emotional eater and just about everyone knows when the rest of life is out of control, what you eat is still the one realm that is truly yours. So here's my confession. I ate a decent breakfast, and actually a decent lunch. But in between I was at the "snackypoos" in the pantry and by the time I got through the afternoon doctor's appt, I was more than willing to indulge Christopher's request for chicken and fries from Mc Donalds. I got one piece of his chicken, half his fries and the little hamburger for myself. I came home to my pantry friend and ate a bazillion walnuts and at least 1.5 oz of baking chocolate. More garbage crackers too. Pasta and red sauce for dinner. Wine making the sauce, wine in the sauce, glass of wine with dh who came home late for dinner. And then I went trolling for a evening snack of blueberries, cheese, and more nuts. Water intake was not good either.
All good reasons to keep a 35lb kettlebell and a sledge in the garage to work out frustrations. But alas, I only have an axe. Anyone need a hole dug?
Didn't want to miss Ellen's coaching on rowing today. So I drug myself to the box and made sure I got in two 500m rows and some abmat work.
Ellen's coaching that emphasized the relationship to the deadlift was a very big help to me. First from a confidence perspective, since deadlifting is one of my stronger moves. Second, it helped make sense of the form of the pull of the stroke. It probably also explains why I like to lean back (or stand up straight) with my row stroke. This is an area where I could probably work on not wasting time/energy, but for now, overemphasizing some should help me get that kinesthetic memory going.
Very, very, very bad diet day. But a very very good learning day. I am definitely a emotional eater and just about everyone knows when the rest of life is out of control, what you eat is still the one realm that is truly yours. So here's my confession. I ate a decent breakfast, and actually a decent lunch. But in between I was at the "snackypoos" in the pantry and by the time I got through the afternoon doctor's appt, I was more than willing to indulge Christopher's request for chicken and fries from Mc Donalds. I got one piece of his chicken, half his fries and the little hamburger for myself. I came home to my pantry friend and ate a bazillion walnuts and at least 1.5 oz of baking chocolate. More garbage crackers too. Pasta and red sauce for dinner. Wine making the sauce, wine in the sauce, glass of wine with dh who came home late for dinner. And then I went trolling for a evening snack of blueberries, cheese, and more nuts. Water intake was not good either.
All good reasons to keep a 35lb kettlebell and a sledge in the garage to work out frustrations. But alas, I only have an axe. Anyone need a hole dug?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
WOD 090811
Strengthcon day. 7 rounds - 3 DL's , 5 weighted ring dips, 7 L-sit PU's
My WOD - DL's@ 165 (Pro weight and BW for me), Red banded dips, and Floss kipping pull ups.
Not sure what or when I did it yester day with split jerks, but my right (rear) leg was hurting by afternoon and the ache was starting to climb to my tookus. Really noticed a lack of range in my knee when trying to squat to the lower shelves of the commissary. Also felt it a bit in my back which means I missed something on one of the lifts yesterday.
Deadlifting can be a back issue if your form is off, but it usuallyisn't a problem for me .... unless it is a circuit like today. My form on the uptake is there.. I have the movement, but in a circuit you add the element of speed and actually there is more form since you shouldn't drop it, but lower it. This is where I need to work my form. Sure it is much more fun to drop the weight and then reset, but technically to "do the work" of a met con you need to lower it.
My time today was 17:33 - partly because I was singling a lot of the pull ups, but also we had a bit of a clog with ring dips and kipping going on in the same area. We ladies found ourselves waiting a bit.
I rowed a 500 and 50 abmats for a cool down. Some others went for a mile run, which they said was almost indiscernable from a swim in this morning's humidty.
I'm really tired after 3 nights of interrupted sleep and may have to skip the rowing class tomorrow in favor of zzzzzzzzzz's
My WOD - DL's@ 165 (Pro weight and BW for me), Red banded dips, and Floss kipping pull ups.
Not sure what or when I did it yester day with split jerks, but my right (rear) leg was hurting by afternoon and the ache was starting to climb to my tookus. Really noticed a lack of range in my knee when trying to squat to the lower shelves of the commissary. Also felt it a bit in my back which means I missed something on one of the lifts yesterday.
Deadlifting can be a back issue if your form is off, but it usuallyisn't a problem for me .... unless it is a circuit like today. My form on the uptake is there.. I have the movement, but in a circuit you add the element of speed and actually there is more form since you shouldn't drop it, but lower it. This is where I need to work my form. Sure it is much more fun to drop the weight and then reset, but technically to "do the work" of a met con you need to lower it.
My time today was 17:33 - partly because I was singling a lot of the pull ups, but also we had a bit of a clog with ring dips and kipping going on in the same area. We ladies found ourselves waiting a bit.
I rowed a 500 and 50 abmats for a cool down. Some others went for a mile run, which they said was almost indiscernable from a swim in this morning's humidty.
I'm really tired after 3 nights of interrupted sleep and may have to skip the rowing class tomorrow in favor of zzzzzzzzzz's
Monday, August 10, 2009
WOD090810
Split Jerks, 8 x 1 rep
Max effort -65#
First time working splits as a class that I can remember. Jerry has recommended this stance to me before as it is sometimes better for those without great shoulder stability.
Lots of form work and more still needed. I actually have a subscription to CFJ, so I watched the videos posted on FB yesterday. I will probably have to watch them some more. My dip is pitching forward, my elbows are out of place and surprise my footwork is too slow.
Hanging on to the thought that the journey is just as important as the destination.
Max effort -65#
First time working splits as a class that I can remember. Jerry has recommended this stance to me before as it is sometimes better for those without great shoulder stability.
Lots of form work and more still needed. I actually have a subscription to CFJ, so I watched the videos posted on FB yesterday. I will probably have to watch them some more. My dip is pitching forward, my elbows are out of place and surprise my footwork is too slow.
Hanging on to the thought that the journey is just as important as the destination.
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